Universal

Presenting a short story:

Universal
by zm strother

They sat quietly on the floor, legs crossed, eyes closed, both breathing in time with the same universal cadence.  He could feel the soft, ghostly tendrils of her thoughts as they snaked through the air between them and tickled at his nose, begging for his attention.

Ron, do you ever worry about life?

Everyone worries.  It's part of the human condition.

But why?

Because it's difficult for us to accept things that are beyond our control.

But Ron, is anything really under our control?

Nothing but our own thoughts, I think.

I don't know... I often feel that my thoughts are beyond my control.  I think things I wish I'd never thought, and once they've crawled in, I can't pry them out.  My mind's eye stays focused there, right on that thing I wish I could forget, like a guard tower spotlight exposing an intruder.

Like what sorts of things?

Like my father dying, lying alone and still in the cancer ward at Union General.

But Lizzie, your father isn't dead.  He doesn't even have cancer...

I know.

Then why would you think about that?

I don't know.  I already told you I'd rather not think about it.  I just can't help it.

I'm sorry I brought it up then.

It's ok, you didn't bring it up.  I did.

A beat passes.  Cars slither by beyond the window blinds, tiny pairs of illuminated eyes slicing through the milky darkness; shiny, multicolored fishes swimming up the winding asphalt stream.  And then,

Ron, I worry sometimes that I'll never do the things in life that I really want to do.

What do you mean?

I mean like writing a novel or traveling to Southeast Asia or really falling wildly in love in that way where it still feels authentic, even after it all falls apart.  I feel like I've given away all my minutes to the Big Bad World and I'm about to wake up and they're all gone.

Another beep.  Beyond the window, a thousand strangers shuffling within feet of each other, so close, but never farther from real touch.

Lizzie, do you know much about physics?

Not really.

Well, you've heard of the Big Bang?

Yeah...

I like to think about that.  Everything that ever was or will be, all crushed up together in one unimaginably tiny little point, so powerful together that it twisted up the ideas of time and space into something beyond our comprehension.

So at least there was one moment when we were all there together - inseparable.  It's sad that it couldn't last.

Maybe.  There's this idea in physics, this Universal Constant; if all of the matter in the Universe all put together is exactly equal to this constant, then it means we all have just enough pull on each other to stop everything from rushing apart from that first bang.  The expansion of the Universe slows down, then stops - it's stasis.  The Happy Medium.

And what happens if there's not enough matter in the Universe?

Then we keep drifting apart, until everything is nothing and we're all cold and dead and alone.  But I don't believe that.

Beep.  The tendrils of thought ran from his nose across his cheek, so soft that it wasn't really a touch.  Like a gentle breeze fingering his earlobe and winding through his hair.

So mama bear, you believe the amount of matter in the Universe is juuuuust right? We'll reach that magic balancing point?

No Lizzie, I'm a papa bear - I think there's too much matter in the Universe.

And what happens then?

Well, we slow down, then we stop, and then we change direction, and finally we all rush back together again...

That sounds nice.

I think so too.  We end up just where we began, and play the story out all over again.  And eventually, we all rush back together yet again.

And again and again?

Yes, on and on into the past and the future, forever and beyond.  It's neater that way.  You don't have to worry about beginnings and endings.  And besides, with each explosion outward, those billions of billions of particles must shoot out just a little differently, and then a brand new Universe unfolds in the empty eons.  That means infinite opportunities - infinite realities.  Everything you've ever dreamed of, not only is it possible, it's inevitable...

*BEEP*

And he was close to her, whispering in her ear.  "You'll be resurrected after every downtrodden day, and you'll be there to live out every dream you've ever dreamed..."

"Hallelujah."  The bridge of her nose tickled the little hairs of his neck.

*BEEP*

The lightest grazes of lips, so sensitive, so electric!  The ghostly thought tentacles reached into deeper, darker places, places they shouldn't

*BEEP*

no matter, an eternity left to regret, a moment only to taste and savor

*BEEP*

sweet sensation

*BEEP*

the relentless metronome beat of the heart monitor pulled him back.  Red light washed the far end of the room.  He could just see the illuminated "LARENEG" of the hospital's neon sign reflected in the distant plate glass.  It was dark outside.  Quiet night.  A silent army of tiny ants with glowing eyes marched across an invisible black ribbon beyond the bend of the hospital wing.  A few of the other beds were inhabited by silent piles of defeated life.  It was still.  Nothing and no one to be awake for.  Ron's thumb clenched, depressing the button of his morphine drip.  Better to be asleep.